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Ted Kennedy Virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. Anita Hill Virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

Jerry Brown Virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Congress Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Paul Tsongas Virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Dan Quayle Virus: Forces your computer to play "PGA TOUR" from 10:00am to 4:00pm six days a week.

Bill Clinton Virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Richard Nixon Virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Ross Perot Virus: Same as Jerry Brown virus, only nicer fonts are used and it appears to have a lot more money and reality put into its development.

The Madonna Virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

TERRY RANDALL VIRUS : Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS : Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.