Joke Rating: ( 291 votes )
Views: 35326

So this guy is driving to the Hospital where his wife is
going into labor with their first child. Naturally he is
going a little faster than perhaps he should. He passes
over a bridge and finds himself being flagged down by
a traffic cop. He pulls over and is receiving nothing but
attitude from the cop even after he has been told the reason
for the rush so he decides to give a little back.
The guy says: 'Actually I'm on my way to work and I
don't want to be late.' So the cop asks: 'And what job could
possibly warrant such a disregard for the posted limit?'
'Well, I'm an asshole stretcher.' So the cop says: 'What
does an asshole stretcher do?' 'Well officer, I take a finger
and grease it up, I slide it into an ordinary asshole and work
it 'round. I then add another finger, then another until the
asshole is the required size, sometimes up to as large as
six feet!' So the cop says: 'What would someone do with a
six foot asshole?' So the guy says: 'GIVE HIM A SPEED GUN AND
A UNIFORM AND POST HIM ON A BRIDGE!!!'